1. Straws: Never blow bubbles through your straw while intoxicated. It will make you snort laughter through your nose and regurgitate causing your airways to close up, hence you stop breathing.
2. Stoves: Never use a match to light your stove if the gas has been on for more then five seconds.
3. Skateboards: Warning, NO BRAKES.
4. Stool softeners: Do Not take with any other fiber supplement.
5. House Plants: Must water frequently.
6. Beach chairs: Must be in locked position.
7. Microwaves: Will melt plastic.
8. Vacuum Cleaners: Will not work on concrete.
