I always like the time before dawn, because there is no one there to remind me of who I am suppose to be.  So it makes it easier to remember who I am.  Brian Andreas.

I like being alone, not in the sense of being lonely.  The diversity of the two are far greater then people realize. 

I’ve been discovering a part of me that has been lost for quite sometime.  The free spirited girl, the individual, the one who never had a worry in the world, who actually can make decisions for herself, who stood tall without bowing her head.  I’ve answered to someone my whole life, never having any independence.  Although I’m married and very committed, I’ve been learning to stand up for myself and for what matters most in my life. 

It seems that the last few years, my life has been at a stand still, not knowing what direction I’ve been heading, going through the menial tasks of day to day living.  Thinking the end is near, except for my children, what can I declare.  There is more to life and it’s been slipping right through my fingers. 

I’ve been soul searching, looking through that porthole of life, with each breath I take, I wonder if I made a difference.  Every choice I made, every decision I rendered, my whole life, was to make someone else happy.   Despite what people may think, I am by no means a selfish person.  I would give a stranger the shirt off my back if I thought it would make a difference.   I always do for other people before doing for myself.   

I’m at a point in my life where I want to things for me.  Not worrying about what comes next.  Making  decisions that will create happiness for me.   Being the unique individual I know I once was.  Finding that lost soul, buried in a pile of self pity.         

Being alone is refreshing for me.   No one understands what being alone really is.  It’s searching for inner peace within your soul.  It’s looking up at the moon and wondering who, at that very moment is looking at it, too.  Day dreaming about the things you wish you could do and things that you really can do.  Looking back in time and contemplating whether every decision I made was the right one.  Reflecting on childhood memories.  Wishing you could go back in time and knowing you can’t.  Wondering what if, or what could of been. 

 I’m on a new journey in life.   I will rise to be the person I once was and the person I know I can be.