Life As I See It

Different is Always Better

All my life I never fit in.  I wasn’t popular or athletic and I sure as hell wasn’t the smart one.  It didn’t really matter if I was there or not, I was never missed.   I wasn’t a leader but I wasn’t a follower either.  I kind of stood on my own, I had my own ideas and did things the way I wanted, dressed the way I wanted and chose the people I wanted to hang out with.  I spoke my mind and if you didn’t like it, it really didn’t matter.  I was unique. I had my own style. 

I still do, I guess maybe that’s why I’m so fucked up in the head.  I’m still my own person, I still have my own style and I still do the things the way I want but when you live in an adult world, there are rules to follow and other people to consider.  I don’t like rules and I don’t like other people. 

My way of thinking is outside the box and not everyone is able to understand this.  I’m not saying this is a bad thing not for me anyway.  I enjoy being different, unique as I put it, but it interferes a lot in the real world where people don’t know how to handle anything out of the realm.  They are mean and inconsiderate. 

A week ago I was given the job to plan our Christmas party at work and from past experience with others planning it, I should of just stepped back and let them have it at the same place we did last year where the food wasn’t fit to feed my dog and the old drunk perverted men touching your ass as you stand at the bar to order another drink.  Fuckers…..

So of course, when no one spoke up this year about where to have it, I had to open my big mouth and make a suggestion.  If I didn’t then it wouldn’t be me.  My boss liked it so I told her I would make the plans for it. After I did she said she had to make sure it was OK with everyone else.  The first thing that went through my mind was, I wasn’t asked last year if it was OK.  My feelings were hurt and I don’t think she really understood why.  All she kept saying was that a couple of people couldn’t afford it and some didn’t feel comfortable eating in a restaurant that after we left filled up with young people for dancing. “Pat is Pat and we can’t change her.” 

I told her “Kris is Kris and I can’t change her.”  I told her I didn’t care who couldn’t afford it and who didn’t feel comfortable.  Don’t tell me you can’t afford it and buy fucking donuts everyday.  And as far as not being comfortable, get over it how fucking old are you?  I told her I had to start thinking of myself.  That went over well because we are not having it at the place I wanted we are having it at a place where the crowd is older.  Of course she asked for my approval first, whipty fucking do, like that would of mattered.   

My boss also told me that people are afraid of me, they are afraid to approach me because of my temper, they’re afraid if they tell me their true feelings that I will blow up at them or I don’t know maybe whip out my sawed off shot gun and shoot the place up.  They shouldn’t be afraid of my impulsive temper but my inner silence.  I never forget who crosses me and I WILL always get even.  Just remember folks I had a private room booked, we now have no private room. 

My point is no matter what new ideas I have whether I’m asked of not some one else’s feelings will always be taken into consideration. 

So I work at a job that I don’t really enjoy anymore, the pay is lousy and people are now afraid of me.  hmm….I think I will have another glass of wine and ponder over that one. 

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4 responses

  1. Heather Wearing A Mustache

    (((Thank YOU, Cappy.)))

    November 19, 2007 at 12:04 am

  2. OH honey. that is terrible. ill have a christmas party with you. ill just empty the change out of my purse and head right to a coin counter and we will be in like flynn.

    maybe youll be lucky and get fired like me. im poor as hell but all the sudden like seems filled with possibilites where as before it was filled with opression, sadness and depression.

    im not saying im happy now, but kidddo it sounds like you work with a bunch of terds and shit like that is toxic.

    get that glass of wine and dont ponder people hating you, ponder what will make cappy girl happy? what would YOU like to do…ya know??

    i know youll think of something. getting fired was the best thinkg that could have happened to me. I was slowly dying and though at the time of the job loss i thought sure my life was over, i see now that i was wrong. i was too cowarly to leave and so fate stepped in and MADE me go.

    life is like that sometimes. im here for ya kiddo. xxoo

    November 19, 2007 at 10:24 pm

  3. you put a tear in my eye, my therapist gave me the same exact advice today.

    what will make cappy girl happy? what would YOU like to do…ya know?? Not in those same words but that is what she said to me.

    Thank You, it makes things look a little brighter.

    November 19, 2007 at 11:03 pm

  4. I am glad. sometimes the scariest thing of all is just making that first move towards change. I am just horrible at it, which is why things like “fired from her job” happen to me. but hey, i try to learn from the experiences.

    here is my list of possible cappy jobs.

    1) working at the adult gift shop. never boring, and you get paid.

    2) mail room clerk. mindless, and it prolly pays better than the above listed job, but with out the perverted perks.

    3) have your own daycare. forget those chumps at greenlane, keep like 3 little ones a week and youll prolly end up making more than you do now.

    4) apply for a job at a newspaper, you seem to like to write and that is a good place to learn more, and i KNOW that would have interesting possibilities.

    5) try for a position at that new starbucks. mmmm numma numma good.

    November 20, 2007 at 9:39 am

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