What the Fuck was I Thinking
“A perfect sister I am not, but thankful for the one I’ve got.”
It was going to be a nice peaceful dinner this year, the 17 people I usually have will now be 11. Dinner is always at 4:00 and never being on time this is the exception for being prompt. My bottle of wine was ready to drink, one for me and one Nikki, who was suppose to arrive at 3:00 with the rest of my guests.
All my guests arrived on time except for Nikki and her husband. This wasn’t a problem until, for some reason my food was ready a little early. Thirty minutes to be exact. So, I did what anyone would of done, I called to see where she was and when there wasn’t any answer I assumed that she would be here any minute. I put the food on the table and without thinking, we started to eat.
This is my problem, I always ASSUME things and I shouldn’t. It seems to always get me into trouble. We were finishing up and I realized that she wasn’t here yet, so I called her once again. She was halfway here when she answered her phone. When I told her we had started to eat without her because I thought she was almost here the first time I called, she was very upset with me and had every right to be. I was wrong and I know I was wrong. What was I thinking and why would I do that?
Where is my fucking brain these past couple of weeks? I’m so stressed out, I think I may need to quit my job sooner then I think if this shit keeps happening. I can’t take it.
I got drunk and cried all night and then realized that Nikki, Michele and I were suppose to call our friend Sharon, who has been living in Florida for the past three years in recovery, so we can all talk together. I had to call her, so she didn’t think I broke my promise to her. Thank God she didn’t answer but called me as soon as she heard the message. I had to talk to her and then explained that I drank a little too much wine, she could tell. She was OK with it though.
She did what she does best, listened to my problem and then gave me advice on what to do, even though I probably didn’t make much sense, but she understood.
Nikki called me this morning and I asked her if she still hated me, she said yes, but we talked for a half hour. I couldn’t apologize anymore but I’m going to. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m sure she will be hurt for sometime and I will have a lot of ass kissing, but I really thought our friendship wouldn’t be the same.
She didn’t act this way last week when I rear-ended her car, she actually felt bad and thought I was mad at her because she stopped too fast.