Living With Attention Deficit Disorder
To avoid criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
US author (1856 – 1915)
“I think I may have a touch of ADD.”
“I forget a lot of things, maybe I need medication”
“I’m so unorganized maybe I have ADD.
These are just a few reasons why I don’t share the fact that I live with Attention Deficit Disorder. It’s bad enough that I have to struggle through life’s obstacles on my own, I don’t need people trying to compare themselves to me. It’s just not that simple. I don’t make this shit up. And believe me I would give anything not to struggle through life this way. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. Believe me there are better ways to get revenge.
There’s a lot more to ADD then being disorganized and forgetful. The struggles I go through each day are far beyond what people might think. My thought process is different then most. Think of your brain as a filing cabinet. When you take in information it gets sorted and filed away into different files for later use. When the information is needed you retrieve it and present it in a mannerly way. Filing information is a problem for me so when it’s time to retrieve it, it’s no where to be found. Trying to find the words I need to use is confusing and stressful for me. Sometimes I find all of the words and sometimes I don’t find any. It makes it hard to learn new things as the learning process works the same way. It’s the most difficult deficit that I have to live with and the most frustrating because it’s the one most people don’t understand and have the least amount of compassion for. The world in which we live doesn’t allow people to be compassionate or understanding. They’re judgemental, they’re mean and they don’t except people for who they are.
I live on an emotional roller coaster that effects my life in many ways. My highs feel like a bird soaring through the sky, conquering the world. I want to be free, to be me and just being me, sometimes interferes in everyday living. My lows feel like the end of the world filled with self pity and shame. When my mind gets clouded with too many emotional thoughts, it can’t handle it and shuts down so to speak. I may seem to be depressed or withdrawn from certain situations but in reality my thoughts just run through my head like a run away train and then doesn’t know where to begin with the task at hand. This would be the reason why things don’t get done.
I have impulsive tendencies that I can’t control. I don’t stop to think about what I’m doing or saying. Consequences don’t seem to matter to me until they happen. I’m a risk taker and easily bored therefore I look for excitement in my life. The more excitement the better I feel. The better I feel the more trouble seems to come my way.
These are just a few deficits that I live with every day of my life. It doesn’t seem like much but if you put it all together it affects every aspect in it. It’s hard for me to focus and take in information; therefore it’s hard for me to read, to have a conversation, to learn new things, to follow directions, to give information, I’m overwhelmed easily. I’m impulsive, I’m easily bored, I say things I shouldn’t, I break all the rules, I’m an impulsive shopper, I change jobs frequently, I can’t handle stress in a normal way, I’m overwhelmed easily and with each one of these deficits comes a consequence that I have to deal with or fix. There’s way more but I’m not writing a book.