Life As I See It

Another Year Older

People who say you’re just as old as you feel are all wrong, fortunately.
Russell Baker

Well, in less than a week I’ll be another year older.  Does this bother me?  Of course it fucking does.  Age never bothered me until I turned 40 and then I thought I was hit by a septa bus.  It’s not that I look bad, on the contrary, I was just carded for cigarettes the other day and when the man saw the grin on my face as he glanced at my license he said, “oh yeah, 86 your good.”  Give me a fucking break, flattery will get you every where asshole but don’t be a fuckhead about it.  I may act like I’m 21 but I doubt I look it. 

It’s not because my head of hair is 70% grey or every time I go to the doctors with a complaint he tells me it’s because I’m getting older.  It’s not because constipation has become common word usage for me or arthritis is moving in and taking up residence and I can tell when rain is coming by my aching joints.  It’s not because I’m losing my hearing, my teeth or any other bodily function. 

Every year comes depression with the thought of being another year older.  “Oh, it’s only a number, it’s all about how you feel and act,” is what I get.  Give me a fucking break you can act as young as you like, feel as young as you want, the fact remains every year is one year closer to death.  It doesn’t matter how healthy you are, how much exercise you get, what kind of food you eat, when your time is up, your you time is fucking up.  Get over it.  

I’m afraid of death and not afraid to admit it.  I’m not sure why or when this came about.  It doesn’t stop me from being who I’m an adventurous, daring, judgemental bitch who doesn’t give a fuck what people think.  I enjoy life to the fullest thinking that some day I might not be here and that scares me. 

So, Happy Birthday to me.  I’m another year older and another year wiser.  Who gives a fuck?  I do.  At least I don’t have to shave the hair out of my ears yet.

P.S.  I just thank the good lord that I still like sex.  Once that goes there won’t be any waiting for death to come knocking because I’ll be breaking that door down. 

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26 responses

  1. Wanna play bingo ?

    January 12, 2008 at 1:00 am

  2. as long as you shave the hair out of your ears.

    And actually when I was 16 I use to work in a bingo hall, I know how those old bastards are.

    January 12, 2008 at 9:03 am

  3. some are old mean and cruel, some are just plain crazy, some have 20 good luck charms lined up around their cards and if you even breeze by you get the death look.

    Old people are the best when they see lesbians hold hands and caress each other. it’s the best reaction.

    January 12, 2008 at 9:19 am

  4. that’s what my friend and I do to entertain ourselves while we are out.

    January 12, 2008 at 9:24 am

  5. I’ve got a pair of fake balls that are so long they hang out the bottom of my shorts. I like to use them at the mall. You know, just sit on the bench and air them out while reading a book. I have a little fishing line attached to them . I can move them on demand.
    Be funnier than shit if one of you ladies did that.

    January 12, 2008 at 4:51 pm

  6. Actually the ear hair is external. When the moon is behind me and I’m holding my pecker howling. I look like a werewolf. When it starts growing inside I’ll just spring for the bandana. It’ll cover the hair and my shiney forehead and at the same time fool the 21 year olds into thinking I’m their age.

    January 12, 2008 at 4:55 pm

  7. getting right on it. but where do I find fake balls at.

    January 12, 2008 at 11:29 pm

  8. Do you have a spencer gifts close buy ?

    http://www.instructables.com/id/EJTF849L1XES9J51TP/

    January 13, 2008 at 12:00 am

  9. Or you can make your own with chicken skin and a couple of hard boiled eggs.

    January 13, 2008 at 2:10 am

  10. love spencer’s

    January 13, 2008 at 1:33 pm

  11. Figures.

    January 13, 2008 at 6:04 pm

  12. and what ever gave you this idea? Sissy been talking shit about me again???

    January 13, 2008 at 6:58 pm

  13. I’m just trying to help. I came up with this idea in my own. The I saw it in a Jackass movie.
    Actually I’ve never let my balls hang out at the mall. Everyone in this town knows me and my wife.
    Actually my dad used to walk around the house in this little sarape, kind like a towel. His fucking balls were always hanging out. Whenever someone would knock on the door he would jump up and hold the damn thing down like it was a skirt.
    But a lady could get away with in public because it would obviously be a joke. I could get arrested and get tagged as a sex offender.
    fuck it, give it a whirl. Tell heather to bring her video cam and leave her weed at home. you could tape peoples reactions and youtube it. I’d pay money to see that.

    January 13, 2008 at 8:08 pm

  14. “and what ever gave you this idea? Sissy been talking shit about me again???”

    I was referring to your comment about me loving spencer’s, you said “figures” I was just wondering what gave you the idea that I would love Spencer’s.

    But thanks for the explaination. I already have a partner in crime. She’s up for anything.

    January 13, 2008 at 9:12 pm

  15. Your mischevious demeanor. It figured.
    Anyway, I’ll bet its real close to your birthday, so.
    Happy birthday ! 🙂

    January 14, 2008 at 12:44 am

  16. Heather

    “Tell heather to bring her video cam and leave her weed at home.”

    For the last time, Micky, quit trying to make sweet love to me!

    (See, now, do I need to point out that’s a joke, or do you get that I make stuff up just because it’s funny to me? Cause if you don’t, we really cannot hang. Unlike, say, your dad’s testicles.)

    January 14, 2008 at 5:37 am

  17. I’m too busy to read all this, but feel compelled to break the Micky/Cap/Micky/Cap/Micky/Cap chain. I’m such a crasher.

    January 14, 2008 at 6:56 pm

  18. I’ve got a pair of fake balls that are so long they hang out the bottom of my shorts.

    I just pissed my pants laughing

    January 14, 2008 at 7:27 pm

  19. I just rread that all again….still laughing…”like your dada balls”

    aw fuck that was funny

    January 14, 2008 at 7:29 pm

  20. mic does you blog take coments? i could not find the area where that might happen

    January 14, 2008 at 7:30 pm

  21. the Micky/Cap/Micky/Cap/Micky/Cap chain. I’m such a crasher.

    He’s the only one that feels sorry for me, so he has no choice but to comment.

    January 14, 2008 at 8:37 pm

  22. Does it matter if its a joke or not ? Its still funnier than shit.

    I knew it was joke.

    Little white box at the bottom. Maybe you need to register ? Anyway your in and permanently approved baby.

    January 14, 2008 at 9:02 pm

  23. you have to be logged in to wordpress, I tried and it wouldn’t let me while I was logged out.

    January 14, 2008 at 9:32 pm

  24. You’re approved, try again

    January 14, 2008 at 11:22 pm

  25. After you first comment is approved your in unless i block you

    January 14, 2008 at 11:23 pm

  26. Blog land is slow. Gotta go coach. Can’t wait to see you there Saturday, Cap! I hope my girls do well. I feel like a kid going to a recital hoping my parents are proud of me.

    Come to think of it, this is why I don’t ask my parents to come to our meets. The stress is mind-blowing for me. Off the radar. I spend three hours suffering cold sweats and then start shaking because I can’t eat for days leading into these things. And regardless of our wins, I leave every competition with an agenda a mile long of ways to improve.

    January 17, 2008 at 5:10 pm

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