Life As I See It

Whaaaaaa???? Huh???

Have you ever been to Neiman Marcus?  No?  Well, I haven’t either.  Not for any other reason except that I don’t like rude people and anyone in their right mind who would shop in a place like that has got to be some kind of fucking rude.  Right?  

About a year ago, my boss went on a healthy food diet.  He set goals for himself and with each goal that was accomplished he was rewarded with treasures.  I say treasures because these are items that he would not normally purchase for himself.  He has accomplished more then he could hope and is getting closer to the big finale. 

A year ago when he told me that the final goal is to buy an expensive watch, I was figuring like, $500.00, because that would be expensive and fucking ridiculous to pay for any type of watch. 

So, today he was telling me about going to Neiman Marcus to look at the watch he wanted to purchase and that it was difficult to get there because the “watch hours” didn’t correspond to his “work hours”.  Yeeees, I said “watch hours” because if you wanted to stop by Neiman Marcus after work one night you would not be able to look at watches.  Why?  Because it’s not the fucking “watch hours”.   I thought this was the funniest thing I heard all day, it made me snort laughter out of my nose.  This is what I’m talking about, rude fucking people, because anyone who wouldn’t let you look at watches because it’s not during “watch hours” have got to be rude.  If they can afford to have the watch he wanted shipped to the store from Switzerland because they didn’t have one, without obligation, then they can hire someone to be there at all times for the “watch hours”. 

Cartier Santos Dumont 18kt Yellow Gold Mens Watch W2008751
So this is the watch he wants.  A Cartier Santos Dumont, retail price $12,650.00, no, you don’t need to blink twice you read it right.  Are you fucking kidding me?  You have to understand my boss, I call it cheap, he calls it frugal.  Regardless, I told him if I was buying a watch for 12,650.00 that it better fuck me and it better fuck me good.  As a matter of fact it better fuck me for the rest of my life.  I don’t need wacky wabbit, I have a Cartier Santos Dumont.  Guaranteed, orgasm every time.   
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16 responses

  1. If you have to purchase something from NM, I will tell you that online is the way to go. You actually receive better customer service and you don’t have walk in the damn place.

    March 5, 2008 at 12:55 pm

  2. SPANK

    Could I trade the watch in for a car?

    March 6, 2008 at 8:16 pm

  3. that’s what I was thinking.

    March 6, 2008 at 8:24 pm

  4. You know what cap? not to be all mamby pamby, but you have really grown as a writer and an entertainer. I am constantly impressed by your posts, even if i dont have time to comment. i know you do this mainly for yourself but i wanted to let you know what an amazing online personaltiy you have developed, and how much i enjoy it. especially when you give micky the business..that crap is funeeee

    March 7, 2008 at 8:13 pm

  5. Heather

    She’s right. Your posts have gotten much postier.

    March 7, 2008 at 10:23 pm

  6. you know what, Spank, you really know how to put a tear in someone’s eye and make them feel on top of the world, just at the right time. you don’t know what those words mean to me. I think I’ll buy you two drinks on you birthday instead of one. yay…..thank you.

    March 7, 2008 at 10:27 pm

  7. I just keep reading over and over and over, my words of wisdom.

    March 7, 2008 at 11:09 pm

  8. I once paid a whopping $50 for a watch. I paid another $10 to get links removed so it fit properly. Another $20 for repairs when it stopped a month later. $30 for repairs the following month….

    In the end I have $300 in that watch and it still doesn’t fucking work right.

    Now I stick with $12.99 watches. Mostly, I don’t even wear one — it’s totally free to just ask some hot stranger what time it is.

    March 8, 2008 at 4:26 pm

  9. I’m for the 12.99 one. When it stops buy a new one and I’m for the hot stranger, too, when it stop give him your phone number.

    March 8, 2008 at 9:21 pm

  10. I’m going to stop wearing a watch. Then we can all feel the awkwardness.

    March 10, 2008 at 3:37 pm

  11. No awkwardness, Hottie. We’d just find someone else or we’d just be lost in time.

    March 10, 2008 at 8:58 pm

  12. Yeah you would.

    March 11, 2008 at 10:00 am

  13. I know…I would. Nothing wrong with being lost in time is there?

    March 11, 2008 at 11:35 am

  14. No, nothing wrong with that.

    March 11, 2008 at 12:37 pm

  15. only if you’re with the right person

    March 11, 2008 at 1:25 pm

  16. Apparently.

    March 11, 2008 at 1:32 pm

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