Life As I See It

The Good Wife’s Guide To Killing Your Husband

This was an article that was shown to me last night.  Whether it’s true or not, this is what it use to be like and I think in some ways the men today carry over how they lived with their parents and their parents learned from their parents.  It’s all a learned behavior and men don’t realize that some of these traits are distilled in them. 

 When I searched for the article I found that it came from a 1950’s home economics book to prepare girls for marriage.  Here, supposedly, is the <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/jdawg/40565750/“>original</a> article.

So enjoy and remember women, men really aren’t good for anything anymore cause we got <a href=”http://www.vibrator.com/sex-toys/dial-a-dream-vibrator.html“>these</a>.  he he he.

  • Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed

“The only thing I’m thinking is hurry the fuck up, eat and go to bed so I can relax and watch TV.”

  • Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

“The only thing that better be fresh is his dick.  Work-weary people?  Office hoe’s are the worst.”

  • Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

“It’s not my fault your day was boring, get another job.  I didn’t think there were gay relations in 1955, go figure.”

  • Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dust cloth over the tables.

“Run my car over your face and then I’ll clear away the clutter.  go fuck yourself.”

  • During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

“It seems that I’ve been lifting a lot here.  The first time I have to light a fire, I’m burning the fucking house down.”

  • Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.

“The only thing I encourage my children to do is get on Daddy’s nerves.”

  • Be happy to see him.

“The only thing I can fake is an orgasm.”

  • Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

“When did Dr. Phil come into the picture.”

  • Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first – remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

“He doesn’t know me very well.  I come first or get the fuck out.” 

  • Don’t greet him with complaints and problems.

“Greet him with a gun and a silencer.”

  • Don’t complain if he’s late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.

“Don’t complain if I don’t cook, I may be out all night fucking your boss.”

  • Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

“Cyanide mint herbal tea on a bed of nails.”

  • Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

“By this time the only I can offer is my soul to the devil.”

  • Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

“The only thing he would seem to master is being a dick head.”

  • A good wife always knows her place.

“In the office of a divorce lawyer.”

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12 responses

  1. yay!

    You’ve been spying on my marriage, haven’t you?

    April 11, 2008 at 5:24 pm

  2. no mine.

    April 11, 2008 at 5:27 pm

  3. Don’t fuss if he doesn’t come home at all. The next time you see him, ask him sweetly how his new lover is and offer to share your allowance with her.

    *

    My mom watches my sister’s kids a couple days a week. Sometimes she cleans my sister’s house and has dinner on the table when she gets home. My sister thinks it’s swell to have her own 50s wife.

    April 14, 2008 at 2:10 pm

  4. Last winter I worked every night until six and every night when I walked in my dinner was on the table. Some nights my slippers were waiting for me next to the table.

    Hm…now if I only can get him to be quiet.

    April 14, 2008 at 3:57 pm

  5. Heather

    “Don’t fuss if he doesn’t come home at all. The next time you see him, ask him sweetly how his new lover is and offer to share your allowance with her.”

    Oh my God, that was funny. Can you imagine? Oh, yes, I can. It’s called “Being Mormon.” (Please don’t kill me, Mormons. Kthx.)

    April 16, 2008 at 3:14 pm

  6. Pingback: Maybe… « A Different Kind of World

  7. Hi! I was surfing and found your blog post… nice! I love your blog. 🙂 Cheers! Sandra. R.

    September 10, 2009 at 6:03 pm

    • Thanks, Sandra, I haven’t been very active lately and your comment guided me through my archives making me realize, I had a lot to say. Maybe it’s time to get back in the swing of things.

      September 10, 2009 at 8:54 pm

  8. udont nome

    Welll…..food for thought….NOW WHERE DID I LEAVE THE RAT POISON???

    August 8, 2010 at 12:06 am

    • Well, I don’t know, U, where did you put that rat poison? Should I be concerned?

      August 8, 2010 at 10:30 pm

  9. Sign: wdpad Hello!!! zceuf and 1197xqzzeyamct and 3469 : Hi! I was surfing and found your blog post! nice! I just came across your blog and wanted to say that Ive really enjoyed it.

    August 10, 2010 at 2:30 pm

  10. Sign: zdbrw Hello!!! qqnpu and 7876qmkaseuhzg and 8403 : Hi! I was surfing and found your blog post! nice! I just came across your blog and wanted to say that Ive really enjoyed it.

    August 24, 2010 at 2:35 pm

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