Life As I See It

As Time Goes By

 Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence. True friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation.

George Washington

It seems that all my life for some reason or another has been about loss.  I feel that no matter how much I gain I always lose. 

Growing up, I was a middle child for nine years so I missed out on being the first born and I was only the youngest for 22 months and fuck if I remember that.  What I remember was always being left out. 

I wasn’t popular in school and making friends was difficult for me.  I’m very shy and it’s hard for me to open up to people.  It takes a while to let someone in but when I do I give them my heart and soul.  As time goes by for some reason our friendship dissapates and I’m left feeling empty inside.  My heart is at a loss until the next person comes along only to repeat the same cycle. 

I’ve learned over the years that the only true friends I have are Nikki and Michele and they are family.  I’ll never be able to get rid of them. 

Four years ago, over a period of time, I lost a good friend of ten years.  After a few months had gone by I called her to get some closure and to reflect my thoughts on the situation.  She excepted what I had to say and said we could continue our relationship.  I never heard from her again.  I always think about her this time of year, I guess because summer was always our thing.  I’ve had her boyfriends my space page but was always afraid to request him as a friend.  I guess being rejected once was enough for me.  Yesterday I got the nerve to request him but didn’t expect a response let alone one in ten minutes. 

It went something like this, “hey Kris it’s been a long time how are you?  We have to get together and hang out like old times.”

I responded with a two paragraph comment was hoping maybe we’d get together next month sometime.  tonight, I was surprised to get a comment saying if you get this anytime soon call me, Dawn wants to talk to you.  I called right away and we talked for over an hour like we had just talked last week trying to think of everything we needed to catch up on over the last four years.  She is going to come by tomorrow and see me. 

I can’t wait.



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