Life As I See It

Things That Should Come With Specific Instructions

1. Straws:  Never blow bubbles through your straw while intoxicated.  It will make you snort laughter through your nose and regurgitate causing your airways to close up, hence you stop breathing.

2. Stoves:  Never use a match to light your stove if the gas has been on for more then five seconds.

3. Skateboards:  Warning, NO BRAKES.

4. Stool softeners:  Do Not take with any other fiber supplement.

5. House Plants:  Must water frequently.

6. Beach chairs:  Must be in locked position.

7. Microwaves:  Will melt plastic.

8. Vacuum Cleaners:  Will not work on concrete.

 

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3 responses

  1. Printers: Not intended for penile tattooing.

    April 26, 2008 at 1:43 pm

  2. Bagel, don’t ruin my day.

    April 26, 2008 at 3:21 pm

  3. I like to think that pressing a man’s dick between two pieces of glass would come in handy someday.

    April 27, 2008 at 12:10 am

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