Life As I See It

Fat Is Beautiful

My son is a hefty, 280 lbs.  I don’t condone this but it is the fact of the matter.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t keep any type of junk food in the house, AT ALL, so all of his weight comes from eating regular food.  Unfortunately, the consequence of taking Depakote is an increased appetite.  He should have more self control but he doesn’t.  He should try to exercise more but he doesn’t.  The only exercise he got was hanging out with his friends which he stopped because skaters just don’t weigh 280 lbs, and it was hard for him to keep up. 

I feel really sad for him but there’s not much I can do.  If, I tell him no, he just goes for it when I’m not around.  If, I give him money, I can’t control what he buys at the store.  I know it’s not healthy but we do monitor he blood sugar. 

I may make fun of the mentally handicapped or old people or fat people or ugly people but really, deep down, I’m surrounded by it and I know what it’s like to be different.  So, it’s never in malice.

If I confront, Ryan, about his weight the first thing he’ll do is make a joke. 

“Ya know Ry, I think maybe you should lose a little weight, there may not be a tux big enough for you to be in Michele’s wedding.”

He chuckles, “You just don’t want to pay extra for the big man’s size.”

Or, he’ll say, “It’s talent.”

I have one of those floor lamps and we were sitting on the couch watching TV and Ryan went right up to the lamp and stood real close to it.  We couldn’t ignore him for too long, so finally we had to ask, “What the hell are you doing?”  He replied, “hiding.”  I almost pissed my pants.

Last week I bought him two pairs of shorts, size 40, and they didn’t fit.  So, I had to take them back and get a 42.  The whole fucking Old Navy store and surrounding stores did not have one pair of fucking size 42 shorts.  What the fuck is up with that?  After checking all of these stores the kind lady told me that there were 150 pairs, on line. 

The only response, I could think of was, “yeah, that’s because fat people don’t get up and go shopping.”

I found one pair and one pair only in Kohl’s.

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21 responses

  1. Sometimes the cure is worse than the disease. I wish there was a way the researchers could make a drug that had no side effects. I understand that if you tweak chemistry, something is going to get unbalanced. It just shouldn’t be so disastrous.

    July 28, 2008 at 5:03 pm

  2. And fat people aren’t lazy! It’s just hard for them to get around.

    July 28, 2008 at 5:04 pm

  3. I quit smoking on March 29 and weighed 120 pounds. On March 30 I woke up and weighed 140 pounds.

    At first, I panicked and committed to starving myself for three weeks. Then I realized that the last time I did that, I was a sophomore in college and the escapade involved Slim Fast and a large amount of cigarettes.

    Then I read an issue of Fitness magazine and learned that mayo doubles as a hair conditioner.

    When the scales didn’t budge, I started to run every morning.

    Then I broke my ankle.

    I let the foot heal, but couldn’t let myself rest. I turned to gymnastics….since I was already at the gym coaching five days a week. At every break I gave the gymnasts I tumbled, in hopes of shedding away those 20 I-don’t-smoke-anymore pounds.

    But then one day (just last Friday), I was at the gym and it hit me. I’d been doing for weeks what I’ve always been doing regardless of my weight or physical appearance.

    I was like, “Yo! I can STILL flip!”

    My co-workers were like, “Um. Yeah. Whatever. [FREAK].”

    And now I’m 37-years-old and weigh 140 pounds.

    The End.

    July 29, 2008 at 8:05 pm

  4. where the fuck have you been, Sissy?

    You’re awesome no matter what you do.

    July 30, 2008 at 2:02 pm

  5. Oh, stop.

    I don’t know where I’ve been. MO just asked the same question. And then Gary complimented me on my stalking. I do rock at stalking. No one can deny me that.

    I asked Hazel to pick the clothes up off her bedroom floor. She swung around, glared at me, and accused me of stalking her.

    July 31, 2008 at 4:40 pm

  6. you are the greatest stalker ever. No denying.

    July 31, 2008 at 9:12 pm

  7. Oh, thank you! That means the world to me!

    August 2, 2008 at 9:15 pm

  8. Wow, I’m not alone! I stalk too – allegedly

    August 3, 2008 at 1:05 pm

  9. I wouldn’t say I’m a stalker but I do like to peek in peoples windows. Well, maybe that’s a stalker or more like a peeping tom, yeah, a peeping tom is more like it. I just like to call it being nosey.

    August 3, 2008 at 4:30 pm

  10. Heather

    Amateurs.

    August 4, 2008 at 3:14 pm

  11. Are you suggesting you’re the queen of stalking?

    Now, there’s a difference between stalking and spying, ya know?

    August 4, 2008 at 4:42 pm

  12. Heather

    I’m stating it outright. None shall usurp my mad skillz!

    In truth, I have been stalked twice in my life. As in “followed me on dates” and “broke into my house.” If there is a more unpleasant feeling in the world, I have yet to find it. The good news is that sometimes the police are your friends. Who knew?

    I’m chuckling at the idea of Peg stalking anyone. Somehow, I can’t see it.

    August 4, 2008 at 8:06 pm

  13. Heather

    I keep forgetting I’m not “here.” Later, lady!

    August 4, 2008 at 10:15 pm

  14. But you are here! Cause there’s your name. I see it.

    August 4, 2008 at 10:20 pm

  15. Not very good stalking abilities.

    August 4, 2008 at 10:20 pm

  16. Heather

    Uh… can, too. Check this out: I’m stalking all of you right now. Oh, look, it’s me in your microwave! Now what?

    August 6, 2008 at 1:04 pm

  17. For the record, I am filled with white hot shame to say that I am, by far, no match for Heather.

    Maybe. Some day down the long road of honing my skills, I will acquire such great heights.

    August 7, 2008 at 1:50 pm

  18. I haven’t had a good stalking in a while. When my buddie, Selene, was in Philly with me, we stalked every night. We stalked people we didn’t even know. We’d slap the kiddies into their car seats and paruze around town in the Jag just looking for someone worthy of a good stalk.

    Selene: “Hey, that cashier gave me the wrong change at the store.”

    Me: (sideways glance) “Let’s stalk him.”

    Selene: “Get the kids in the car.”

    Me: “I’m all over it.”

    Selene: “Game on.”

    Me: “You know it.”

    Selene: “Put the petal to the medal.”

    Me: “We’re outta here.”

    It was a like deleted scene from “Night at the Roxbury”.

    August 7, 2008 at 1:59 pm

  19. Heather

    Is anyone watching the Olympics? Our swimmers just kicked so much ass. “Ha, ha, France! Your swimming is stuuuuuuupid. Our swimming is betttttttttter.” If I ever go there, I’m going to hold tiny pools up to their faces and taunt them a second time.

    August 11, 2008 at 12:17 am

  20. Don’t watch the olympics. The way I see it, is the French really can’t swim with their tongues hanging out.

    August 11, 2008 at 3:16 pm

  21. Heather

    Oui! It’s bad for the drag. They’re all wearing these leggings now. I keep expecting them to break into song, but they don’t. At least, not yet. I’d pay to see “Beijing!” on Broadway. That’d be awesome. Especially the caning numbers.

    August 11, 2008 at 4:02 pm

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