Life As I See It

Shit…

OK, so with all my poop problems, I’ve decided it’s time for a colonoscopy.  Yay, me.  And since, I know how you love poop stories, I thought I would bring this one live from the scene first hand to you,  literally. 

See, I was suppose to start taking the prep pills at 6 and they take at least an hour to start working.  I forgot I planned a haircut for that time but oh well, I guess the pills will have to wait.  When I get home, Danielle had a babysitter here because she had to go to work earlier then usual and not that the father could watch her because he wasn’t working but she planned for me to take her home without asking me.

So now I’m panicking because I have to take 5 pills every 15 minutes with a glass of water for an hour so I can shit my brains out.  I throw Lexi in the car with some french fries, a bottle of water and 20 pills because it’s probably going to take me an hour to take her home and back.  I get home take the last four pills with two more bottles of water and still nothing.  I thought man is this stuff going to work.  Well, give it another 30 minutes and that would be the second time I didn’t make it to the bathroom. 

So now I start going.  I go and then go downstairs and get comfy, then I go back up stairs to go and back downstairs, then up the stairs and back down and then up and then down.  Fuck this shit, I packed up my laptop and brought to the John.  Yes, I did.  Some people take their laptop to a restaurant, some take it to the park, I fucking take it to the bathroom. 

Here I sit, live from the hopper, for the last 30 minutes, my legs are numb and I can’t feel my toes.  I think I better get up and move before I need an amputation, too.

Oh and the warning label said, “not recommended for weight control.”  Like this is a good way to lose weight.

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