Turkeys Bounce, Not Just Bumbles
I’ve been cooking Thanksgiving dinner for almost 20 years now. Wow! That makes me sound fucking old. Jesus Christ, I can’t even make a holiday post without using fowl language. Fowl language, get it…Bwahahahahaha. I crack myself up.
Any-hoot, I’ve learned a lot of things over the years the most important being no matter how late your sister is you always wait, unless otherwise declared.
I’ve learned that white sweet potatoes are far better than yams, that it doesn’t matter if the turkey is fresh or frozen, it all tastes the same, even if it’s basted in a brine for three days. I’ve learned that if you’re going to bake pies the night before always make an extra one, ya know, for the gluttons in the family who can’t wait until it’s time to eat it.
I’ve learned when you invite your Nana for dinner and she excepts only after there isn’t a better offer, don’t tell her the entire preparation for the stuffing fell on the floor and you scooped it up put it back in the bowl and continued to finish making the stuffing. You could give an old lady a heart attack.
I’ve learned it’s not necessary to start preparing days before or even the day before dinner unless you’ve added to much onion to the mixture and not having all the ingredient to start over.
I’ve learned that you can’t prepare a full course dinner for 17 people and drink wine at the same time. It just doesn’t work.
My lesson today is, don’t take for granted what’s been sitting in your closet for a year regardless if it is nonperishable. While I’m holding the oven bag my husband slides the turkey in and, BAM, right through to the floor. The mother fucker bounced a foot and thank God I just mopped my floor last month or we really would have been in some trouble.