Life As I See It

…and so life goes on

This is the first winter that I’ve been out of work and I so enjoy doing things for me and catching up with friends and family.   But the wonderful world of UC benefits just doesn’t comply with my extreme spending habit.  In other words, I’m fucking broke.  I have no money for shoes, clothes, bras, panties, socks, home decor, furniture, electronics, vacation or any other extra curricular activity that I feel the need to do.  I can’t even get a loan.  At 48% interest, I might as well sell my body.   

This morning while taking a shower, I was missing the special hand made soap I buy for $4.95 so my delicate skin doesn’t itch all winter and it got me to thinking, hm…maybe I can make my own soap and maybe I could sell it and maybe make some extra cash.  Yes?

So, I get out my trusty laptop and look up how to make hand made soap and these are the things I’m going to need: 

coconut oil, olive oil, vegetable oil, distilled water, vinegar, essential oil for fragrance, lye, rubber gloves, eye goggles, masks, special cooking utensils, meat thermometer, candy thermometer and an apron. 

Well I guess I’ll have to wait until my next unemployment check.  Why?  Because I’m broke haven’t you been reading?  Pay attention people!

Hm, maybe, I’ll become an office creeper.  The only things I’ll need for that are dark sunglasses and a hat.

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12 responses

  1. What’s an office creeper? Is that paid work? I’m on that! “Please find my resignation as I have decided to pursue office creeping.”

    December 4, 2008 at 11:38 pm

  2. I saw it on the news this morning it someone who follows someone into the office and pretends like they are suppose to be there and then when no one is looking…bam… they steel stuff. I could make a killing putting everything up on eBay and rake in the money.

    December 4, 2008 at 11:57 pm

  3. A ha ha ha ha. Dood. That’s awesome. I think I’m going to go to work tomorrow and pretend I’m supposed to be there, too. What will they think of next?

    December 5, 2008 at 2:17 am

  4. Nikki

    I think selling your body will be your best bet in making some extra money.

    December 5, 2008 at 12:08 pm

  5. Are you sure I couldn’t get away with being the copy machine repair man in your office? There’s a lot of electronics sitting around in there that could be worth a mint.

    December 5, 2008 at 1:18 pm

  6. Nikki

    In my office yes. YOu could easily walk out with the copier and say you are taking it for a repair and a replacement will soon be here. No one would even figure it out.

    December 5, 2008 at 4:02 pm

  7. The news media are so stupid.

    December 5, 2008 at 4:52 pm

  8. About 4 years ago I started going thru trash cans and dumpsters looking for recyclable cans so I could use the money to buy food for homeless folks
    It didnt take long to discover the great shit that supermarkets and retail outlets toss.
    Most of what I find goes to the churches whos food banks I donate to.
    But the really good shit stays with me.
    In the last month alone I’ve scored.
    250.00 worth of NY or Rib eye steaks.
    150.00 worth whole headless salmon.
    200.00 worth of center cut pork chops.
    200.00 worth of Oscar Meyer bacon.
    500.00 worth of Hebrew national dogs and cold cuts.
    2 cases of Yoplait yogurt.
    25 gallons of milk.
    200.00 worth of assorted cheeses.
    50.00 worth of blueberries.
    50.00 worth of strawberries.
    Onions, potatoes, carrots, tons of apples and ornages, pineapples, corn on the cobb.
    Most of it is slightly blemished
    All the meat is dated that day or earlier so I just freeze it, same with the dairy.
    Of course I dont have room for all this shit so I give almost all of it away.
    I even found a piggy bank once with 89.00 in it.
    2 new leather Lazy boys, slightly damaged. Nothing some saddle soap couldnt handle.
    A brand new Sony surround sound system with only a small scratch on the sub woofer.
    Brand new computer speakers, fishing poles,power tools, quilts, microwaves.
    Not to mention I make a couple hundred a week of recycling.

    That was just this month or the last few weeks.

    December 5, 2008 at 4:53 pm

  9. Damn, I’m in the wrong fucking business.

    December 5, 2008 at 10:23 pm

  10. You have to stuff some pride if you’re worried about being seen rummaging thru a dumpster.
    Sometimes people think I’m a bum and they gimme money.
    I take it.

    December 6, 2008 at 2:26 pm

  11. A few years ago while taking my preschool kids for a walk, I found a one piece play kitchen set in the trash, I picked it out of the trash and drug it all the way back to school. Pride never gets in the way of free things.

    December 6, 2008 at 3:28 pm

  12. I’ve turned into an art form.
    I know the schedules at most of the stores.
    Produce and meat depts. usually toss in the mornining after rotating stocks, shits almost always still cold when I get it.
    Last month I scored 100 lbs of 16/20 per pound shrimp still frozen.
    20 five pound boxes.
    The sell date wasnt for another 3 days which meant I could keep it in my freezer for another 3 months and it would be fine.
    When the stores get a new batch in they dont want to mark down the old stuff because then the new stuff with a higher profit margin wont sell. If they toss the old stuff people are forced by having no other choice but to buy the new ones.
    However many old boxes they sell is that many fewer new ones they’ll sell.
    And then of course theres the tax write offs and the credits from vendors.
    If one soda in a 12 pack is damaged they just toss the whole 12 pack and get reimbursed from the co.
    It pisses the fuck out of me when we see people everywhere starving, not just in America and I swear we throw enough good food away everday to feed everyone everyday.

    December 6, 2008 at 9:38 pm

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