Where Did We Go?
I live outside of Philadelphia and two hours from the Pocono Mountains. Despite hating bugs and feeling the need to always look good; I do enjoy camping under the stars. This year, I wanted our road trip to be somewhere we haven’t been before. And since, Yogi Bear’s Jelly Stone Park in West Virginia was booked we ended up at Mountain Pine RV resort in Champion Pa. A five hour drive…where we rented a cabin, shed… for two nights… and the weather was cold and rainy. We should have went south to the Blue Ridge Mountains.
And 15 feet from our shed was this view. That’s right…the office.
But that didn’t stop us because this is how we roll…
We stopped at a rest stop half way there. That’s us lounging on beach chairs, eating pizza and drinking beer, in the parking lot, watching the tractor trailers roll in. It’s cheap and entertaining.
Did, I mention, I’m particular about the way my hair looks. This is what happens when it rains and I get locked out of the car. Michele, thought she was funny, climbing over the console to get into the drivers seat while, I ran around the car in the pouring rain.
…AND PAY BACKS ARE A BITCH, BABY.
We woke up Saturday to a cold and damp morning with nothing to eat. The camp fire from the night before had dwindled to a sizzling ash and the morning dew covered the grass as if it had been raining during the night. Little did we know the rain was scheduled for that afternoon. The empty beer bottles and bags of marshmallows were still on the ground where we had left them. The only sound to be heard was the crunching of the stone as people scurried to the bathroom.
The dark gray covered sky told us that swimming was out of the question. The only reason we traveled so far was for the largest pool in Pa and we couldn’t even swim it. It doesn’t matter, though, we always make the best of any situation. We bundled ourselves in sweatshirts and pants and ventured out to find a restaurant other than fast food.
This is what we found. The further west you go from home the dumber the people are. Really. We stopped at a gas station and convenience store and when, I went in to ask for directions to a restaurant other than fast food she didn’t know where one was and preceded to tell me they had food there. “Um, yeah, dumb bitch, I said no fast food.” When she finally realized what, I wanted she gave us wrong directions that led us right into a parade where we had to sit in traffic until it passed by. A) Who has a parade without a detour? and B) Who has a parade for no God awful reasonn other than the fact it was a Saturday? The dumb hicks in western Pa. that’s who.
When we got back to our little shed on the hill it was almost noon. There wasn’t any relief in the air and the clouds remained dark above us. The only thing we could do was rent a golf cart, start a fire and drink alcohol. This is our first leisure ride around the park.
we decided to venture off through the hiking trails behind the resort. First lesson of the day, never approach two little boys on bikes, with a video camera, in the woods, asking them if they can do tricks so, I can video them for a magazine, I work for. They must have been from the smart part of the state because they called their mom to ask permission. Yeah, just my luck.
Have you noticed, who’s not driving much? Apparently the more, I drank the more impaired, I got. Does alcohol do that to you? Cause this is what happened on this ride.
And this is what happens when you start drinking beer at noon and add a bottle of rum at five and sit around with the nicest people ever, watching the best entertainment ever.
And that my friends was our fun filled weekend in Champion, Pa. where we wreaked havoc, for one day, in a family resort and by the end of that day everyone was pointing fingers and knew exactly who we were.
Do you believe they called me two months later to let me know about the special they were having in September?
The sign would have read, “Welcome back drunk child pornographer lesbians.”