Life As I See It

Just When I Thought I Didn’t Have It Anymore

I was in BJ’s today, doing some food shopping.  And if you read my pathetic thing, I call a blog you should know that I would rather stick needles in my eyes then food shop.  There weren’t many people, so rushing around between carts was a whip.

Then the announcement came over the loud speaker.  “We are offering a free paring knife to all of our valued customers.  There is no purchase necessary.  Please proceed to the left in the back of the store, where the blue podium is.”

Just get me the fuck out of here.  Until, I had to run to the back of the store because I forgot something.  And you got it, I had to walk right past the blue podium where the man was talking about, who knows what, when he leaned forward and said, “come on over for a free knife.” 

“No thank you, with my mental state right now, I’m forbidden to carry any sharp paraphernalia.”

The man was speechless.  I love when I do that.


17 responses

  1. Monty

    you used the word “paraphernalia” in a conversation? My my my.

    December 18, 2009 at 12:02 am

  2. I sure did, verbatim.

    December 18, 2009 at 8:44 am

  3. If people would just learn how to take care of a good knife theres no need to ever by one of these newfangled “Yoshi blades’ or whatever the fuck they are.
    I still have my knives from my first apprenticeship 37 years ago, which I paid 500.00 for. Today the same group of knives would cost you over 1200.00 bucks

    January 11, 2010 at 4:51 pm

  4. Do you know what I could do with 500.00?

    January 11, 2010 at 7:05 pm

  5. Probably get ripped off ?
    Lose it ?
    Buy yourself a crack ho ?
    For a week ?
    Take a day to count it ?
    Buy a chain saw for your toe nails ?

    January 11, 2010 at 9:32 pm

  6. Give it to a charity?\
    Hide it?
    Buy myself a whole new wardrobe?
    And some shoes to match?
    Take 1.5 minutes to count it? (I was once a bank teller)
    Have my toes pedicured for a year?

    January 11, 2010 at 10:16 pm

  7. “Buy myself a whole new wardrobe?
    And some shoes to match?”

    Where ? At the Salvation Army thrift shop ?

    “Take 1.5 minutes to count it? (I was once a bank teller)”

    Thats not very good actually unless it was all small change. Considering all, I’m gonna go with your extensive panhandling background as a better requisite.

    January 11, 2010 at 11:57 pm

  8. Salvatation Army?

    Are you fucking kidding me? I shop at the coroner’s thrift shop.

    It doesn’t how I obtain money if you put a hundred thousand dollars in front of my face, I can have that counted in no time.

    January 12, 2010 at 8:56 am

  9. You’re just jealous that I have multi talents.

    January 12, 2010 at 8:56 am

  10. I have to take my Pug “Flea” to the vet today to arrainge his last days. He has cancer in his foot. Since they amputated his toe (2000.00) the cancer has spread up his leg like wildfire. I have no more money since the treatments leading up to the amputation also cost an additional 3000.00. This feeling sucks.
    When God made mans best friend you’d think he’d of had the foresight to of at least given them longer lifespans equivalent to their human partners.
    Iguanas and turtles live for a hundred years but dogs have to have 10 to 15 year lifespans ?
    Fuckin idiot

    January 12, 2010 at 1:56 pm

  11. ” if you put a hundred thousand dollars in front of my face, I can have that counted in no time.”

    I got kicked out of a titty bar once for tipping the waitress in monopoly money.
    Real tits get real money

    January 12, 2010 at 1:58 pm

  12. Not that I wouldnt of fucked her ten ways to Sunday, its just the principles of proper capitalism

    January 12, 2010 at 1:59 pm

  13. Didja get locked up or something ?
    Got left tied to the bed again ?

    January 14, 2010 at 10:00 pm

  14. I’ll go for the second one. Yeah…that’s it, tied to the bed.

    I could sit on the cmputer all day but I try to do things. Sitting all day is not good for the body.

    Today’s my birthday. What didja get me?

    January 15, 2010 at 8:15 am

  15. You mean you had to sit down to write that trivial bullshit ?

    I got you an appoinment to have your pussy tightened up, actually you’ve got a choice between having your asshole or your pussy being tightend up, I give you both but revenues are lacking this year. Go with the asshole first, the savings in diapers will help pay for the pussy job.

    January 15, 2010 at 2:16 pm

  16. Fuck the revenues. I’m not worth to have both done?

    January 15, 2010 at 4:11 pm

  17. Keep it up bitch and I’ll tell em to tighten up your mouth

    January 15, 2010 at 5:32 pm

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