Not Fitting In
It was hard for me, growing up, being the fool, an innocent free spirit, untouched with experience. As time went by, I was still that free spirited fool who embraced whatever life would bring. I was a childlike teenager with an open mind and simplicity of motives that left me no room for doubt or fear. I was the daydreamer and I jumped into the unknown with no worry of consequences.
I struggled through life trying to find my way, making it difficult to always start over with each new job. All my life I tried to find a place where I would fit in.
Six years ago, I was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder. It answered a lot of questions, I had about my childhood and the decisions that led up till now. I’ve learned to accept who, I am, and what my purpose in life is but sometimes when you just want to fit in somewhere that’s just not plausible it’s hard to overcome.
Yeah, I could say, “Fuck them if they can’t accept me for who I am then it’s not worth it.” I don’t like people who think they’re better than me or judge people for who they are or what they look like or where they come from.
But, it’s not about them it’s about me. It’s about my frustrations of quick thinking and knowing what comes next. It’s about the embarrassment when you’re in a conversation and the next thought gets lost somewhere. It’s about the annoyance of not having the last word and the next day you think, I should have said that, and then it’s too late to go back.
Most of the time it doesn’t bother me but…sometimes, I wonder what if…