Life As I See It

Not Fitting In

It was hard for me, growing up, being the fool, an innocent free spirit, untouched with experience. As time went by, I was still that free spirited fool who embraced whatever life would bring. I was a childlike teenager with an open mind and simplicity of motives that left me no room for doubt or fear. I was the daydreamer and I jumped into the unknown with no worry of consequences.

I struggled through life trying to find my way, making it difficult to always start over with each new job. All my life I tried to find a place where I would fit in.

Six years ago, I was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder.  It answered a lot of questions, I had about my childhood and the decisions that led up till now. I’ve learned to accept who, I am, and what my purpose in life is but sometimes when you just want to fit in somewhere that’s just not plausible it’s hard to overcome. 

Yeah, I could say, “Fuck them if they can’t accept me for who I am then it’s not worth it.”  I don’t like people who think they’re better than me or judge people for who they are or what they look like or where they come from.  

But, it’s not about them it’s about me.  It’s about my frustrations of quick thinking and knowing what comes next.   It’s about the embarrassment when you’re in a conversation and the next thought gets lost somewhere.  It’s about the annoyance of not having the last word and the next day you think, I should have said that, and then it’s too late to go back.

Most of the time it doesn’t bother me but…sometimes, I wonder what if…

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17 responses

  1. You’re doing just fine ,methinks.

    Stop fishing.

    February 17, 2010 at 3:59 am

  2. You say that because having 24 hours to respond to your blog gives me a big lead way to think of what to say.

    February 17, 2010 at 9:04 am

  3. Thanks for the heads up. I don’t care what I say about the black hole in your heart there a speck of white somewhere.

    February 17, 2010 at 9:53 am

  4. Dont worry, I got used to being called an idiot and except for the 20 years of 24/7 drinking, dope shooting, being dead once, and twenty arrests I turned out just fine…

    so far

    February 21, 2010 at 8:36 pm

  5. That’s reassuring. You are a smart cookie, though.

    Do you recall a time after we had met and you called me stupid or something? Do you remember my reaction? I don’t think there is anyone in this world that could shut you up the way I did that day. I’m called dumb, airhead and empty headed blonde all the time it just depends on the context of the conversation and that’s what I’m referring to.

    February 22, 2010 at 2:35 pm

  6. Shut me up ?

    Jokes on you babe, I’m still here.

    XXOO

    February 22, 2010 at 3:44 pm

  7. just think, you’ve of ended up being a naked toothless intern chained under a desk for a racoon president

    February 22, 2010 at 3:47 pm

  8. And I had only you to pull me out. That’s fucking friendship right there.

    February 23, 2010 at 9:01 pm

  9. I know that it’s a big o plus having ADD/ADHD sometimes. It’s a common thought that we are pretty darn creativity. Some might not agree but I think they just wish they had our superpowers. I was just confirmed a few weeks ago that I have ADD without hyperactivity. This is big. I always kind of knew. But I thought the doctors all thought I was there for drugs. I have been in college for 5 years. My grades are all over the place… As Bs and Fs. I just couldn’t do it. I am a classic case. Anyway that is enough venting for now. I have awesome news. I am starting a new art project for people who are either an adder or think that they might be. Please visit the home of our new project http://www.flickr.com/groups/1319235@N25/ Remember, if you or someone you know would like to be part of this art project they either must have flickr account. But if they just want to send the pictures to jamienacole@rocketmail.com I will receive them. That email is for this project only so far. But we’ll see how that goes. Please join the group page so you can start participation. Or at least view it so you can email me photos or/and give me any ideas for the project. I started this mainly because I had never heard about the good things associated with ADD/ADHD. I am so glad that now I know it’s something that I can learn about and understand. And in the next few years can life a happy life living as my brain can handle. Understanding that there are just some things that I can’t do, and that is ok! I know now that I just need to let some of that go and practice what I am good at. ❤ I think it would be great if everyone joined and stayed with the project, but even if you just log on and send make one photo post that would be awesome. And remember that if you just want to send me an email I will post them under my profile (send information if you want it posted with information. If not, I will just mark it anonymous and the project that you had in mind while taking the pic.

    Thanks so much for your time. Have a wonderful day/night!

    jam jamienacole@rocketmail.com

    cut and paste link below

    http://www.flickr.com/groups/1319235@N25/

    February 24, 2010 at 4:34 am

  10. tsunamis headed my way.
    pray

    February 27, 2010 at 4:47 pm

  11. We’re definitely praying. I hope everything is going to be, okay. Are you worried.

    February 27, 2010 at 5:10 pm

  12. i dont worry, i concern

    February 27, 2010 at 9:26 pm

  13. I just read not much damage.

    February 27, 2010 at 10:28 pm

  14. micky

    Alls good. Fuckin island went nuts. Gas stations packed, water being horded, people driving round with their heads up their asses.

    Homeboys always ready for anything

    March 1, 2010 at 2:10 pm

  15. Glad to hear you’re, Okay.

    March 1, 2010 at 6:26 pm

  16. micky

    well, the way you pump gas might have something to do with it

    March 9, 2010 at 4:30 pm

  17. Pingback: Wow! 2010 in review! « A Different Kind of World

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