Life As I See It

Here’s How Okay I’ve Been

 It’s always darkest before the dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it. ~Author Unknown

Okay?  Do you want to know how okay I’ve been?  

As I’m pulling up to the hotel we were staying at in Kentucky, I get a phone call from one of my best friends.  I’m like, I’m sorry I can’t talk right now because I just pulled up to check in to the hotel.  She said she just wanted to call to let me know Maria died in her sleep.  Maria was her father in law’s long time girlfriend where her and her husband were living. 

When I get home my son tells me that one of his on line friend’s father tried to kill himself and the next sentence was the kid around the corner hung himself last week. 

A week after that my boss text me, “Hi”

“Hey I was just thinking about what going on.”

“My dog died.”

A week after that someone that works with my husband overdosed. 

Then my sister in law’s brother in law had his bladder removed from cancer and they found three spots on his lungs that he wouldn’t get taken care of.

Then I find out that the cousin, who is much older than me, that I’ve become close with since Feb is in the hospital with her third flare up from her COPD.  It doesn’t look good and they don’t think she’s going to make it. 

 meanwhile, two weeks ago my husbands aunt died and my best friend from the first sentence called the day after her viewing to tell me her mother in law that live in AZ dropped dead.  She live here with her other son and was raising her 11 year old grandson from her daughter.  Now my friend is going to move to Arizona in three weeks to help her brother in law with the 11 year old.

Saturday I was at my sister’s and I got a phone call to let me know my cousin had died that morning and when I got home and got on face book my niece’s were posting sympathy about the uncle dying.  I don’t have to worry about that funeral because it private family only.  But tomorrow is my cousin’s service.  And just a service no viewing, no pictures, no urn nothing.  Just an hour a greeting and a short service.  I think it’s going to be hard anyway. 

I don’t need to cleanse my house with sage, I need to knock the fucking thing down and rebuild. 

Phew…that felt fucking good.

Peace out.

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2 responses

  1. How many deaths is that? My friend claims death comes in 12. I never forgot it over the years, but I also considered it unrealistic. Until two years ago when little Willow passed away in her sleep. She was number one. Nine months and eleven deaths later, I was a little creaped out.

    May 3, 2010 at 10:40 am

  2. Early 2000 my granma died, grandpa died two months later, a week after that my friend of 30 years died, 2 months later his mom died.
    A week later by buddy in the shop next to mine OD’d with a needle in his arm. Christmas eve my father died in my arms with every single member of my family watching.
    My wife and I knew the inevitable was about to happen. I kicked her and my son out of the house, sent em to her moms for their own safety.
    When the dope and booze stopped working after 6 weeks, the house looked like a tornado went thru it, my body pickled with every poison there is, I ended up in the nut house for 3 weeks.
    Dont isolate like I did. Theres no amount of bullshit consoling that tames the kind of hurt you’re in.
    The main thing that gave me that moment of clarity enabling me to pick up the phone and tell 911 I’m killing myself and cant stop was the joys and freinds in life have always been worth the misery.
    I get it. And theres really no accurate presciption for dealing with it other than to be able to reach into the very depths of your being and realize you’re not alone.
    You’re not.

    May 6, 2010 at 9:12 pm

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