Life As I See It

I laid horizontally on the couch as I do every morning.  It was 7:00 am.  I had my coffee and laptop in tow as I snuggled up with my crunching sounding feather blanket watching The Today Show.  My mind was churning, thinking about all the things I needed to that today.  My body didn’t move.  My head was nestled in my computer catching up on emails and the night before blogs when I glanced up at the clock and realized it was already 10:30.  I rolled off the couch and finally made my way upstairs to the bathroom to take a shower.  After pulling my shirt over my head I realized, even after the multiple reminders the day before, I had an appointment for a haircut at 11:30 and it takes 45 minutes to get there.

I quickly hopped in the shower without washing my hair, threw on some make-up and clothes, and I was out the door by 10:50.

I made the courteous call to let them know I would be late.

“Thank you for calling the salon how may I help you?”

“Yeah, this is Cap, I’m running about 10 or 15 minutes behind depending on how many red lights I can run.”

“No problem, we’ll see you when I you get here.”

I cranked up the music and put on my driving mode.  The important thing to me at that moment was getting to the salon as fast as I could even if it meant to go through every yellow light I could find.  The police didn’t find this quite amusing.

“Are you in a hurry to get somewhere, Mame?”

“Well….I’m…late for a hairdresser appointment.”  There was a moment of silence.  “Do you know what its like when a hair stylists falls behind even for five minutes?”

I guess he didn’t think that was too entertaining as he stood there checking out my license and insurance without a word.

“I really didn’t go through the red light, officer, it was yellow.  And I’m sorry if I seemed like I did but I felt that I didn’t enough time to stop.”

“Okay, Mame, I’ll let you go with a warning but slow down.”

Thank God cause I didn’t have time for sympathy tears and with this freezing cold weather the cleavage tactic was definitely not going to work.  That put me behind an extra 10 minutes…Fucking assholes.

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20 responses

  1. If I pull you over do I get any cleavage?

    January 18, 2011 at 1:22 am

  2. Everyday as long as the weather is permitting.

    January 18, 2011 at 8:06 am

  3. I’m starting to think that my charming and witty personality is not the only reason my customers come back to see me.

    January 18, 2011 at 8:10 am

  4. Why– do they pull you over a lot?

    January 18, 2011 at 8:26 am

  5. No,it’s just in the summer I’m not wearing clothes and scarves up to my neck.

    January 18, 2011 at 10:47 am

  6. Micky

    That doesnt mean you didnt offer the usual blow job

    January 18, 2011 at 8:32 pm

  7. You know that’s not my style.

    January 19, 2011 at 7:23 am

  8. Micky

    right

    January 19, 2011 at 7:18 pm

  9. Get used to being pulled over a lot, then. I’ll be enforcing it on Pera’s behalf in a coupla weeks from now.

    January 20, 2011 at 8:26 am

  10. Yeah, if they let you in.

    January 20, 2011 at 12:12 pm

    • Monty

      Damnit, you have a black tongue.

      January 29, 2011 at 2:33 am

  11. Then you gotta find me. And once you do then you gotta catch me.

    January 20, 2011 at 12:13 pm

  12. Monty– so leaving and coming back for the wedding, then?

    January 20, 2011 at 1:59 pm

    • Monty

      Fuck, looks like I spoke too soon.

      January 29, 2011 at 2:33 am

  13. Matt Lesoine

    Not to be one of those internet pricks who corrects every little thing, but it’s ma’am…

    January 27, 2011 at 9:18 pm

  14. Your Mom, I Said

    Yes, but “Mame” is so much better on so many levels.

    January 27, 2011 at 10:43 pm

  15. How do you know that Mame isn’t my real name?

    January 28, 2011 at 2:17 pm

  16. Also? Don’t be popping out of the wood shed after all these months just to correct my spelling.

    We missed every holiday. I was lonely.

    January 28, 2011 at 2:18 pm

  17. Your Mom, I Said

    Wait. Am I supposed to reply to comments from within the comment itself? What the shit? Damn those WordPress hippies!

    January 31, 2011 at 7:24 pm

  18. I hate that feature. It confuses me.

    The first time someone did that it took me five minutes to find the freaking comment. I knew one was there from my dashboard, which I don’t like to reply from so I go right to the post and damn it, it wasn’t there…Right where it’s supposed to be at the end of the comment section.

    But those foreigners, ya know, like to make things difficult for us simple reserved americans.

    February 1, 2011 at 1:36 pm

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