Life As I See It

Hello Vagina

The eye of the beholder

I am extremely vain.  Yes, I’m talking about me, the one who doesn’t give a shit what people think.

I don’t eat healthy or exercise everyday or shower, blow dry my hair and apply just the right touch of make-up to lay on the couch all day, just to impress the dick heads that roam the earth outside of my living space.   Fuck.  I don’t even do it for my husband.  I do it for me, well, because I’m vain.  I do it because it makes ME feel good.  And if I look good and physically feel good then mentally I feel good.   Makes sense right?  Well, it fucking does to me.

The other day I had a conversation with my four year of grand-daughter.  It went something like this.

“Granny look at your boobs.”  As I was getting out of the shower and drying off.

“Yeah! What’s wrong with them?”

“Their down.”

“What do you mean down?”

“You know down not up like this.”  As she motions with her hands to show me the way they should be.

“Well, I’m sorry I can’t please you but if you have $5000.00 I’ll go get them up for you.”

And that wasn’t the end of it.  Later that day as I was watching The Doctors which was all about embarrassing questions of the female parts.

Except for the “down boobs” and the small love handles I pretty much feel good about the way I look until they started talking about the va jay jay.  Oh yeah, just as gravity takes place on the upper body it does below the belt, too.  Just as you need to moisturize and take care of the skin on your face due to lack of collagen you need to do the same down there.  The doctor said you need to stand and bend over to see exactly how it looks to form an opinion.  Of course there are many cosmetic surgeries for the female genitalia but she was specifically targeting the labia majora and how it dries up and wrinkles just like the skin on your face.

I guess because of  my down boobs, bending over that far didn’t exactly work for me.  I have two hand held mirrors, one big enough for an elephant’s pussy and the other small enough for a cat’s pussy.  Forget about the camera it didn’t give me the right angle or exposure to see the exact characteristic I needed to form an opinion of maybe someday needing a labia majora puff which consists of a few fat injections.

But for now my vagina and I will stay intact.


2 responses

  1. Micky

    Thats funny.
    When he was 5 I ran into my son in the hallway at 3 in the morning and he asked me why my dick was up

    February 12, 2011 at 7:24 pm

  2. Why the fuck was your 5 year old awake and in the hall a 3 am?

    February 12, 2011 at 11:46 pm

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