Life As I See It


I searched my entire blog repeatedly thinking I wrote a post on my friend the crossing guard.  I found nothing. I know I told the story somewhere on the Net because I specifically remember getting advice on the matter.  So I will tell it again.

I think it’s only considerate to give a friendly wave to the people you see everyday on the same course you drive to work, even if you don’t know them.  On my way to work my path would cross with one particular lady, a school crossing guard.  She would stand on the corner diagonal from my car at a four-way stop.  I started waving to her a few months after seeing her at the same time every morning.  She seemed friendly, talking to other pedestrians, and waving to other’s in cars.  But me?  I didn’t get one wave.

I was bewildered as to why she chose me to ignore.  It wasn’t like she couldn’t see me, and if the weather was warm it meant my window was down, and my arm was hanging out of the door.  She had to have seen me wave then.  But still, she did not wave back.  I would swerve my car, still nothing.  I would wave my arm vigorously out of the window, still nothing.  I would beep, give her the finger, and bang my head against the steering wheel, but still not one freaking wave.

This went on for six months, at which point, it was making me very upset until one morning when I realized the possible reason for her rejection towards me.  Do you want me to tell you my astonishing findings?  The woman was crossed eyed.  No, seriously, she was crossed eyed, so if she was facing directly towards me she couldn’t see me.

As bad as I felt for the evil thoughts I had towards this woman for not recognizing me I was on a mission.  A mission to get this lady to wave to me.  And lo and behold a month later the short red-haired crossed eyed crossing guard slipped me a wave.  I was in shock…ecstatic.  I was so happy that I drove around the block just to tell her that she made my day.  That I’ve been trying to get her to wave to me for six friggin months.  I was so elated by her kind gesture that I went out that weekend and bought her a plant.  Yes, I did.  Monday morning I pulled to the side of the road, got out of my car and presented her with this gift.  She backed up as if she was frightened, but I assured her that I wasn’t crazy, that I just wanted to give her this plant, a gift that she could plant in her yard and every time she looked at it she would remember the not-so-crazy person whose life she touched with one simple wave.

I asked her name and she replied, “Kloda.”  Hm…How will I ever remember that name, I thought.  Well, it begins with the same letter as mine and it rhymes with Yoda from Star Wars.  Shut up that’s how I remember things.  It makes sense to me.

A couple of months later I quit my job and would probably never see her again.  Until a month ago when I was on my way to a funeral and had to travel the common path that led me to my friend.  I slowed my car, rolled down my window and yelled, “Hi Yoda how are you?”

She said, “I’m doing fine. Are you back to work again?”

“No, I on my way to funeral but you have a nice day.  It was nice to see you again, Yoda.”

Yup, you heard me right I called her Yoda, not once, but twice, and who knows probably more than that.  I was on the phone at the time with my sister, and she pointed out what a funny name that was.  It didn’t dawn me until later that I called her the wrong name.

My friend just laughed and was happy to see me.  I wonder if she still has the plant I gave her.


8 responses

  1. Your Mom, I Said

    You did write about the crossing guard. I read it. Also, I’m enjoying the dark and broody flava in here.

    April 7, 2011 at 2:22 am

  2. You dig? I thought I needed a major change.

    I know I wrote about it. I don’t think I wrote a post. It’s probably is Spank’s comment section somewhere.

    April 7, 2011 at 7:32 am

  3. Matt Lesoine

    That’s what I’m thinking = spanky’s comments someplace.

    April 7, 2011 at 11:43 pm

  4. I remember Spanky telling me to pretend I was swatting a bee in my car and swerve like I was going to hit her.

    April 8, 2011 at 7:03 am

  5. I really like this new theme, you can actually tell now what my avatar is.

    April 8, 2011 at 7:04 am

  6. Micky

    A crosseyed crossing guard ?
    For some reason theres some irony in that.
    I would suggest that I want my kids crossing guard to see just one of everything, clearly.
    Ya know, folks without blinkers use hand signals. If she cant distinguish between a wave and a hand signal then you should of run her fucking incompetent ass over and say she step out of the wrong way of the wrong car.
    Fucking government will hire anyone.
    At least give her an eye patch so she doesnt think shes at a school for conjoined twins only.

    Fuckin ridiculous, and you’re worried about your day being made while hundreds of kids lives are at risk because of her and your dickslesic ass never knowing where it is.

    April 11, 2011 at 8:39 pm

  7. You just made me pee my pants

    April 12, 2011 at 2:40 pm

  8. Haha this made me laugh!

    April 19, 2011 at 6:01 am

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